


it made me think of you

by Sapphic-Mia (JMoonrise)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Pining, Useless Lesbians, all of the moments where kara and lena missed each other, sort of season 5 compliant, that the writers never showed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMoonrise/pseuds/Sapphic-Mia
Summary: “I care about you. These months without you,” Kara’s eyes flutter as she shudders, fingers squeezing Lena's. Her eyes flash open, landing on Lena as she continues. “They were hard. There were times when I wanted to text you something silly, or just to hear your voice. Some days I couldn’t smile at all, not as Kara Danvers anyway. I didn’t know- - we were the best of friends, it didn’t occur to me there was another reason for why it felt as if my insides were being stabbed every time I saw you.”“I know the feeling,” she murmurs, thinking of the pummeling her own organs took. “So it wasn’t because you didn’t trust me?”“Lena, you’re the most trustworthy person I know.”
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 92
Kudos: 458





	it made me think of you

**_i._** **_you let me sail with cheap wood, so I patched up every hole I could_**

She first notices her absence when her phone no longer chimes or lights up with one of a million notifications she received every day, alerting her to another notification from Kara. She tells herself she does not miss the constant dinging at all hours of the day— the mindless distractions— that regularly diverted her attention from her work.

Without the monotony of her day broken up by whatever link, gif, or Tik Tok Kara sent, she has time to accomplish tasks and work on some new prototypes. She finds her productivity has increased exponentially when there is no one to remove her from the office with trembling lips and pleading eyes, dragging her across town to discover some new restaurant or sit around a cafe sipping coffee, regaling one another with the events of their day. She misses none of it.

Texting was never her _thing_ anyway. She rarely used it as a form of communication before the presence of a blonde reporter in her life, finding it lacking in creating meaningful conversation. So if anything, she has reverted back to the proper order of things. Her life has none of the disorder that has popped in and out since her arrival in the city and her decision to befriend a young reporter.

Luthors have no time for catering to friends and keeping up pleasantries during working hours. She has far better things to occupy her time with than to wait for the next batch of texts, tweets, or snaps sent to her when Kara is bored or on break. There is a mountain of paperwork beckoning her immediate attention.

Now that she has pawned off CatCo to Andrea, her workload has decreased, but there is always something requiring her signature. No one cares if there is a hole where her heart once thrived, or that there is an ever present ache pressing down on her at all times.

Every time she catches a flash of blonde hair, her mind whispers about the possibilities, silently begging for the woman to turn, disappointment filling her insides when it is not who she continues to search for in the face of every passerby.

When she thinks it might be her, her heart stutters to life, blood thundering in her ears, the pang of loneliness echoes— never leaving her instead taking up residence as a reminder of what she has lost. She watches people, eyes sharp, raking over them hungrily, observing their interactions, overcome with the desire to be like them, to live a simple life without the complications of saving the world or having others judge her not on her own merits but those of her family.

Her life has deviated so far from what she imagined. Making friends and forming roots were nowhere near the top of her list when she decided to relocate. There is a trickle of regret for some of her actions. Two weeks ago, she found atop her desk, words she hated and loved for how they ruined her and made her whole in the same breath. The words failed to repair the shift, were unable to fix the damage done and for the first time she started to feel like a Luthor, an honest to goodness Luthor. To see the distrust written in the lines of Kara’s face killed her a million times over. She was finally another Luthor. The lines had been crossed and redrawn, new barriers created, further separating the Luthor and the Super. How naive she was four years ago.

The isolation she thought she could handle, after all had she not lived that way before? She is good at being alone until her eyes land on the silent device, the empty space where a frame once sat proudly displaying her friendship. It is all gone to her now.

In the past, she measured time by the constant flurry of messages sent to her phone. Kara was punctual, at the very least, respecting Lena’s time, if not anything else.

She separates her life into two distinct times BK and AK. There is only _after_ Kara. Her carefully executed infiltration into Lena’s life has disrupted all her best laid plans and she cannot be the Lena she was, nor is she the Lena she was three months ago. She wants things to back to how they were, to a time when Kara was Kara, not Supergirl or _Kara_ _Zor-El_. Having the veil suddenly lifted, the rose colored glasses snatched was disorienting and she keeps waiting to wake up from this nightmare, except it continues each day when sunlight spills into her bedroom and she is forced out of bed—forced to continue on with her life as if she has one.

This is her new reality. There are no more alerts for lunch dates or reminders to take a break from her busy schedule. Banning Kara from the premises meant no more pop-up visits, or hanging around while Lena worked to clear some of her paperwork. All of it vanished in an instant when her brother showed her what was really happening, while Lena was none the wiser.

Lena curses into the silence, smashing her fists against her desk at the unfairness of the world. Perhaps Luthors were cursed after all.

For the first time, it registers, there is no one waiting to occupy her spare time. So she works and works, forcing her eyes to stay open when her body craves rest, downing multiple cups of coffee a day. Kara is no longer there to pull her into focus, to remind her there is more to life than work. Kara is a relic belonging to another Lena, a different Lena—full of hope and promise. She is none of those things anymore, just enlightened and lonely, a solitary shell surrounded by rocks.

Sometimes she catches herself, urging her phone to vibrate, to do something than stay blank, to remind her someone cares for her— it doesn’t.

What she imagined and what transpired exist on two separate planes, neither intersecting with the other at a fixed point. There is no overlap. Everything blew up in her face. Her intentions mattered very little in the face of truth, justice, and the American way. She was in the wrong. That’s the bottom like and Alex Danvers won’t let her forget.

All she has ever wanted was to create a better world, a world full of good—she wanted to fix the innate wiring in human brains that caused them to perform heinous acts that hurt others. What was wrong with that? Apparently, _a lot_.

In the end, she is less than surprised by the results of her plan and the fallout. She is the poster child for failed relationships, starting with her adoptive mother leading in a straight line to Kara. After Lex went off the rails and even somewhat before, Lena went into every partnership/relationship with the expectation it would inevitably fail. Betrayal was a reward for her efforts, proving to her she was misguided all along. Foolish Lena, the girl who loves too much and gives her heart away.

She had no idea how deeply Kara infiltrated her life until the other woman evacuated, retreated to her part of the city, mostly kept her distance, respecting Lena’s wishes. Lena is left with nothing to show for these last few years in National City. She no longer has any friends, there is an implied rescinding of her game night invitation, and none of them have made any effort to contact her. Alex, she could understand. She is Kara’s sister and she had the impression the agent had been waiting for something to happen all these years.

Lena is certain Alex is gleeful over the outcome. Her trust in Lena was tentative, relying primarily on her when the situation called for her assistance, but refused to fully involve her in the plans. She is a Luthor— someone not to be trusted.

Her initial hopes when she moved across the country years ago are dashed; she was naive to believe a Luthor and a Super could co-exist without clashing over beliefs. Their families are doomed to this never ending cycle.

The empty call log and glaring lack of notifications reinforce she is nobody masquerading as somebody. Everything she receives now is work related, all semblance of a personal life has disappeared. She is fine with it. She knew it would be lonely at the top and she is accustomed to doing things alone.

If she knew getting into bed with Kara, giving into her pleas, falling for her starry eyes, and offering her the keys to Lena would result in her having less than what she started with, then she would have kept her distance from the start.

She rubs her chest, angry the pain still resides inside the crevices of her heart.

The truth is, she knows her mind is full of lies. She would fall all over again and keep falling. She is the Luthor who yearns for light and love, failing to procure either.

**_ii. i leaned in and let it hurt_ **

The hunger retreats, fading until she can barely detect it, but it is there, always burning and wanting more. Food has been the least of her concerns as of late; she allows the hunger pains to ravage her body, feels her stomach caving, yet she does nothing to appease the beast.

The _beast_ is a reminder of the pain she has inflicted, the filtered lies she told over burgers, pizza, and all the other meals consumed with Lena at her side.

She walks down the street, arms swaying at her side- - trailing her sister and Kelly. Alex grew tired of the constant noises erupting from her stomach, forcing all three of them to leave the apartment in search of food. Walking the streets of National City, she sees Lena everywhere. The whole city is a map of memories, a love map.

Two blocks over is the place she and Lena had a standing brunch date every Saturday, unless Lena could not get away from work, or there was some Supergirl emergency. They met outside, exchanging hugs that felt like home, as Kara soaked in the open affection, feeling as if she had been re-energized by the sun. Those hugs chased away the clutter and pushed out the shadows in her mind. They would argue at the end over who was paying with Lena deploying sneaky tactics to get her way.

In the park there is the taco cart where she used her puppy dog eyes and pouty lip to her advantage. Lena conceded defeat, using her hand to hide her twitching lips as Kara eagerly led them over to the vendor. Lena was quickly rid of her preconceived notions regarding street food, delighting in the wonderful taste of their tacos.

_“No need to be smug,” she grinned at Kara, bumping their shoulders._

_Kara failed to suppress her own smile. “I did get the Lena Luthor to eat a taco made on the street. I think I should feel good about myself.” Kara joined Lena in her laughter. She loved when she let loose and was just Lena. Her laugh was loud and boisterous and she didn’t care if anyone heard her or not. She was rarely that carefree when people were around. When it was the two of them, Lena treated Kara as if she were the only person in the world. Everyone else faded to the background._

On warm afternoons when she could convince Lena to abandon her work, they would stroll through the park, hands brushing before one of them boldly clasped them, lacing their fingers together. Kara would pretend the heat was responsible for her flushed state. She ignored the currents of electricity from where their hands connected, the soft feel of Lena’s hand in hers, unable to trust herself from saying something stupid. Lena was her best friend.

They would walk to their favorite bench, hand in hand, sitting down to eat their fresh tortillas, filled with delicious goodness. Lena giggled every time Kara spilled something on herself, green eyes sparkling with mirth as Kara grumbled. _“Think you missed a spot darling,” she teased, wiping the corner of Kara’s mouth, her thumb lingering near puckered lips. There was that spark again, shooting up her spine, and she had to remind her body to calm down and to not overreact._

Kara ignored the flutter in her belly. It was a normal reaction and a friendly gesture on Lena’s behalf. That’s all they were and no longer are. Lena didn’t have that sort of interest in Kara.

Alex and Kelly reach their destination, pulling to a stop outside of Big Belly Burger, the burger joint featured heavily in her many lunches with Lena. She was proud when she could get Lena to deviate from a meal involving kale or one of her bland salads.

Her hand drifts up to her chest, the hollowness devours the remnants of her heart. There is no joy to be found here.

Kara halts them before they can move to grab the door, ears prickling at the gentle whooshing she can hear on the other side. She recognizes it. It is Lena. She does not need to see through walls, ears attuned to the soft, flowing rhythm of her heartbeat. “I’m not feeling burgers,” she says meeting their wide eyes. It is the first time she has strung together words all day, typically grunting or humming. “How about we try the new Greek place on seventh?” She suggests as an alternative, walking ahead before they can protest.

She is tired and lacks the energy to explain the real reason why she doesn’t want to eat Big Belly. She has heard enough from Alex on the subject of Lena and would rather avoid another rant from her sister.

Then she sees her, blue and green connecting with only a glass barrier to separate them. It has been a few weeks since she caught a glimpse of Lena. Her eyes feast over her appearance, taking in the dark circles ringing her eyes, the messy bun atop her head. Lena is the first to remove her gaze and the stabbing pain in her side returns with a vengeance. She hasn’t mentioned the pain to her sister. It is tolerable most of the time and she thinks there is no cure for this.

Kara keeps walking, following the map, allowing the memories to fracture her fragile heart. There is good and bad to be had, and she would never give up the good in exchange for removing the bad.

At least when she stops at the Orapex Restaurant, there are no flashes or tugs on her memory. It is a blank slate, somewhere she can make new memories that don’t hurt. It’s untouched by her bitter termination from Lena’s life and maybe that’s what she needs right now, places she can call her own.

Her mood perks up when her nose picks up the smells coming from just inside. “You know I am feeling kind of hungry.” She pats her stomach before turning to open the door for her sister and Kelly. A grin stretches across her face, the first real one in weeks, and it feels surprisingly good to smile. It has been ages since her thoughts have been occupied by something other than Lena. “Do you think they’ll be able to keep up with my appetite?” Restaurants have kicked her and her cousin out for their endless appetites, neither able to satiate the hunger for long.

“You can barely keep up with it Kara.” Alex pokes her in the stomach.

Kara sticks her tongue out, lightly shoving her sister. Alex is just jealous because she is the chubby bunny champion. Though she has yet to frequent any of her old haunts, fearful she might run into Lena, she is okay with braving this new world. She was never the type to stay locked within her apartment for long. “You’re paying.”

**_iii. thread by thread, i come apart_ **

The empty chair mocks her, silently taking great delight in manifesting as the representation of her great shame.

She is hosting Thanksgiving again this year, despite some of the changes to the seating chart. Alex has vacated to the east coast to spend the holiday with Kelly and her family, James following suit.

Nia and Brainy accepted her invitation, she suspects partly out of pity. These days she is less herself and people have noticed. She has heard the gossip around the office, catching snippets from random coworkers gathered around the water cooler, jabbering on about her. They thought the timing of Lena selling the company and revoking Kara’s access to L-Corp was noteworthy, to say the least. None of them came to her directly, but she did glare at them when she caught them looking in her direction.

The holidays are her favorite time of year. The transition of summer into fall brings with it the High Holy Days, including Jewish New Year. Then there is Halloween. Krypton had religious observations, so adapting to another set was hardly a change. Halloween on the other hand was nothing she had experienced on her home planet.

She was alarmed in the beginning when stores began circulating their commercials for the holiday and all of the movies and shows playing in celebration of the day until Alex explained. She was fascinated by the concept of being someone else besides herself for a night. That feeling has never left her.

For one night, she was someone else besides Kara, blending in perfectly with all of the neighbor children, as opposed to every other day when she tried.

Then there was Thanksgiving, her real favorite of all the holidays.

Most would assume it was the abundance of food, but it was the idea of reflection that appealed to her, to list those things for which she was thankful. Landing on Earth so many years after her cousin’s arrival and forced to suffer the loss of her planet on her own, Kara never turned her thoughts to being grateful. How could she? She was an alien orphan, sharing a room with someone who despised her, living on a planet where she had no friends, and pretending every day she was like them.

Maybe that was the appeal of Lena. Lena never asked her to be anything aside from herself. She never questioned Kara about all her strange references or sudden disappearances. She accepted her at face value. Kara did come to take advantage of that.

Still, Thanksgiving became her favorite after her very first one. Sitting at the festive table, heaving with an abundance of food, surrounded by the aromatic smells of pie, turkey, warm potatoes, and so many other foods, she eagerly listened as everyone listed off things they were thankful for that year.

Kara took the time to carefully formulate her response, acutely aware of her behavior, her reticence to fully join the family, her hesitance when Eliza bestowed maternal affection or Jeremiah ruffled her hair, or the rare moments when Alex didn’t hate her. If asked months previous, she would have had a different response.

_“I’m thankful for having a family, for sunrises and sunsets, for my memories—the good and the bad, for the birds, for being alive to experience all of this. I’m thankful you’ve given me roots from which I can grow and spread and a home I can always come back to.”_

From her very first Thanksgiving, Kara has taken the time to voice every single thing and every person in her life she is thankful to have. She cements it to her memory, building on it with each passing year, so she doesn’t ever forget.

This year she struggles in the formation of her list. The last year has taken as much as it has given, her losses continue to increase, taking a toll on her ability to remain positive. For every victory, she suffers countless losses in return.

Her crowning achievement the last four years was somehow becoming Lena’s best friend. She has no idea how she managed the feat. She met someone nearly as lonely as her— who needed a friend, which she at least had—became a friend she could depend on and trust until the very end anyway. Lena opened up to her and revealed all these parts of herself that Kara doubts anyone else has seen.

As much as Lena was hers, she was Lena’s. She liked that a part of her belonged solely to her. Kara willingly gave away pieces of herself, all the while retaining a specific piece that completed the puzzle. It was the thread constantly threatening to unravel everything, to destroy that which she spent years weaving together— often mesmerized how their two lives managed to mesh together to create something beautiful.

“Hey sweetie,” Eliza greets her with a kiss on her cheek.

Kara startles at her arrival, caught up in her own thoughts. “Hi Eliza,” she manages a half-smile.

“How are you holding up?” Her eyes are filled with warmth and compassion. Talking to her is a great deal easier than her sister. She loves Alex but she has no chill when it comes to Lena. Alex refuses to acknowledge shades of grey and for her Lena is pure bad.

She shrugs, turning away to focus on peeling the potatoes. “I don’t know.” She wants to cry most days. Today is a bad day. The chair is empty. There is no Lena to regale them with stories from her boardroom or to discuss the latest tech she is developing.

What is there to be cheerful or thankful about when across the city, she knows for a fact Lena is working on a holiday. She has been there long before Kara went on a morning patrol at seven. Kara thinks she might have slept in her office. If she tunes her hearing, she can pick up the quiet clicking of the keyboard, the small pauses when Lena sighs wearily, the shuffling of papers, the scratching of her pen, even the faint popping as Lena stretches her muscles. Except for a lone security guard, Lena is alone at L-Corp, having nowhere to go for the holiday.

How Kara aches to fly there and drag Lena back to her place, but she knows Lena wouldn’t receive her at all. She would ignore Kara if she suddenly showed up on her balcony, maybe scream at her to leave her alone.

The table setting where Lena normally sits for such occasions is left bare. There will be no Lena to impress with her inhalation of food, or cuddle on the couch as everyone argues over Monopoly. She thinks that is what she misses most, Lena melting into her side, her warmth filling Kara to the brim with happiness, content for the first time in years.

She lowers her shoulders, staring down at the peeler. “I’ve screwed up,” her voice is scratchy, hoarse from her latest bout of crying. The headache doesn’t help. “There is no fixing it this time.” Her lips tremble as she muffles a sob with her hand.

Lena refuses to budge. She is clear on where they stand. Bridges have been burned and there is no rebuilding them with Lena. When she makes the initial snip, she goes for the deepest cut. Kara stands on one side of the river, while Lena glares balefully at her from the opposite bank.

Arms wrap around her, and Kara sinks into the familiar embrace of Eliza. Her silent comfort does wonders for her soul and her mind. It soothes some of the sting left from Lena’s rejection.

She leans into her. She is tired, so very tired.

Eliza cups her face, her smile soft and warm. “Kara, grief is the price we pay for loving someone. Lena,” Kara lowers her gaze. “While she may not be dead, it is another loss for you.” She rubs her thumb over Kara’s cheek. “It is okay to love her, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”

“Thank you,” she places her hand over Eliza’s. “Maybe that’s what I’m thankful for this year, love.”

**_iv. i won’t let you in, i swore never again_ **

She forgets until she hears the crackling from the intercom. Her assistant’s grainy voice fills her office.

“Ms. Luthor, the reporter from CatCo is here. Should I send them in?”

Lena blinks. Then blinks again, processing her assistant’s words. There was a reminder on her phone earlier in the day about the interview scheduled a week previous. It slipped her mind.

She has to remind her traitorous heart it is not Kara. She stressed the importance to Andrea about keeping Kara away from L-Corp premises, especially if she wanted to maintain a good relationship between the companies.

Lena would still offer the magazine a little exclusive every now and then, certainly not to the extent she had in the past. She is far too untrusting to keep that practice alive.

Still, her brain whispers how she wishes it was Kara. She has been the company’s representative, the only reporter she chose to actively engage with.

“Ms. Luthor?”

Lena sighs. “Yes, you can send them in Laura.”

The reporter is unfamiliar to Lena. She wonders if she is new to the magazine, especially with Andrea’s shake-up at the company, and her wanting to fill the publication with less hard hitting news and more gossip and latest trends.

The woman is young, red headed with brown eyes, short, so very different from Kara. She has no idea where the thought comes from and banishes it immediately.

She rises from her chair and meets her guest halfway. “Hello,” she offers her hand, which the woman shakes with a polite smile. _Definitely not as personable_ , she thinks.

“Hi, I’m Robin Fitzpatrick,” she introduces herself.

Lena smiles faintly, gesturing to the couch. She seats herself on the opposite end, keeping a distance from the reporter. She refuses to cross the boundary between personal and professional again, having learned her lesson about mixing business and pleasure. She keeps her expression neutral, answering all of the reporter’s questions succinctly. She wants there to be no room for miscommunication or misinterpretation.

The reporter is decent, certainly capable, but she is no Kara Danvers. She has none of that same passion, fire burning in her eyes when Lena expresses something that goes against all of her beliefs. Robin doesn’t offer a rebuttal or challenge her in any way, and Lena feels disappointed by this. Certainly, she didn’t immediately appreciate Kara’s zest for opposing her, however she came to admire her desire to stick to her ideals.

Where Lena is often straightforward, determined in her belief her path is the right one, Kara was there pushing her to consider alternative perspectives. Kara admitted Lena had done the same for her. She spoke plainly, never censuring her opinions in front of Lena. It was like that from their first day. Kara wasn’t afraid of her or her name, or the damage Lena could do to her if she had a problem with Kara’s articles.

There she goes again. She discards the thoughts, lest she starts a pattern. Thinking of Kara, makes her think of her even more and she can’t afford that. She changes the shape of her thoughts, refocusing them on the reporter in her office. This is what she asked for and she has to live with it. She can do interviews without thinking of Kara.

She ignores the yearning, the constant hunger for her presence. She wants to snuff the flame before it has a chance to grow, but she thinks it is too late for that. She should’ve done it after the first interview, instead she gave Kara the ultimate access and the flame grew from a tiny whisper to a raging inferno. Nothing can put out the blaze.

The interview ends at the fifteen minute mark and she shakes hands once again with Robin. “Thank you Ms. Fitzpatrick.” She leads the woman to the door, ready to be done with the interview.

“Thank you Ms. Luthor for making the time. I’ll send you a copy before it goes to print.”

Then she is gone.

Lena slumps against her office door, the tension seeps out of her, lungs suffocating as she tries to regain control over herself. She failed to take into consideration that other reporters wouldn’t view her the same way as Kara. She never allowed the Luthor name to deter her in accurately reporting the story, well except the one time, but even then she appreciated having to rewrite the story to highlight the importance of opposing views.

She wonders what Kara’s articles are composed of these days. Does she still write about herself? Has she found someone new to interview? Is there another billionaire she’s found more interesting? Is she working on her next hard hitting story? Has she considered a job with a different publication?

Her fingers twitch with the desire to look up a recent article. She doesn’t. She composes herself, sweeps back stray strands until they lay flat, moving across the room to her couch. She collapses onto it, mind caught up in a whirlwind of Kara.

Lena makes a mental note to get a new couch, catching the faintest scent of Kara wafting off the cushions.

She regrets how long it took her to cease thinking of her. She stayed too long and this is her punishment. It’s been nearly two months and she thinks of her every day. She has caught the occasional glimpse of Kara, whether on the street or on the nightly news, but rarely an unclose view.

These days she sees far more of Supergirl than she sees of mild mannered Kara. It seems the once reluctant reporter is barely seen, her alter ego making enough appearances for the both of them. She catches herself at times almost asking Andrea about Kara, how she is doing under new management, if she spies the same potential Lena did, but something tells her to keep these things to herself. Andrea would use it as fodder for the masses. The rumors would ruin herself and Kara, calling into question their established working relationship and whether or not something else was being traded behind the scenes.

She had no idea how embedded into the threads of her life Kara was until she started plucking at random threads, pulling here and snipping there. Kara was woven into her soul and that is wherein the problem lies. The more she tugs, the more resistant her brain is. Her boxes are failing her. They refuse to help push back the coming avalanche of emotions when Kara creeps into her mind.

All she does is think about their last meeting, the finality in their words. She wants to call her and tell her about this other reporter, to complain how she lacks the finesse and the fire for the work.

She does not call.

But she wants to.

That feels worse.

**_v. i am dissonance_ **

The dynamics have changed. The world is changed. She woke up and found herself in a place that was the same and not the same with slightly subtle differences, but enough for her to know her former world is gone. She is one of only a few who remembers how things were before _Crisis_. One of those few happens to be Lena.

Lena is the exact same, beautiful and stubborn. Every day without her spans a year. She stops herself from telling Lena this when she shows up on her balcony in the middle of the night. Instead the worst parts of her come out, the hypocrisy and righteousness. Lena’s reactions are hardly detectable. If Kara hadn’t spent years studying the lines of her face, the slight shifts in her expression, the emotion in her eyes, she would think she was left unaffected by the visit.

Those green eyes spoke volumes, unable to conceal the hurt Kara inflicted. She stood there frozen as Kara condemned her and called her a villain. She took all of the accusations Kara hurled and didn’t interject.

A _villain_. What was she thinking? Lena was far from the villain. Had she committed some questionable acts? Yes, but hadn’t Kara? Alex? They are far from perfect, so what makes them the _heroes_ and Lena the villain?

Kara dwells on it at the next game night, though why she organizes it, she cannot say. The last two years has removed some of the key players, their group growing smaller with the next. None of them are much in the mood for games with everything happening in their personal lives.

Kara sips her wine, waiting on the arrival of her sister, Kelly, and J’onn. Brainy cited some excuse for his absence, his behavior is stranger than usual in the aftermath of Crisis.

Nia sits across from her, curled up in the chair, lacking her usual spirit. She has been down as of late. Kara does not possess the words to comfort her, nor does she try. Hung up on her own personal life, she has no advice to offer Nia. She is failing.

She wishes she had something to say; she is just as lost as anyone else as of late.

Watching Lex and Lena stand together is like waiting for the punchline of a joke that never comes. Rarely does she have an opportunity to see Lena with the ban from LuthorCorp in place, that is why she was incredibly shocked Lena willingly stopped by her desk after hearing about Jeremiah through the grapevine. Then it all went to hell.

“Why are you drinking?”

Kara snorts. What reason is there for her not to drink? “Why are you moping?” Turnabout is fair play.

Nia looks away.

They are a sad bunch.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Like we don’t all know you’re upset because of Lena,” she retorts.

“What about you and Brainy?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Everything is.”

“Do you miss her?” No one has asked her. Alex pretends Kara and Lena were never friends. It was a blip in their lives and Alex was right to distrust Lena from the start.

Lena crosses her mind a few times a day. She has failed to come up with anything to convince Lena she deserves another chance, an opportunity to make things right between them. They were making progress until Lena showed up at the Fortress and called her out for doing something she accused Lena of doing. Regardless of the circumstances, she is a hypocrite.

The lack of contact kills her inside, another piece of her dies with each day. As much as she wants to blame Lex for her current problems, Kara created this situation herself. After a while, it was easier to add onto her many lies than to admit to the truth.

“Every day,” she answers. “Group activities are the worst. I think about how weirdly talented she is at games. She never played any until a few years ago, but Lena is an overachiever. She would destroy all of us and it was cute how competitive she got.” She trounced them all in so many games, except charades and any trivia relating to pop culture. “None of my battle wounds have hurt like this. Those healed within hours.” This is a pain she will have to endure for eternity. It is like when she was cut off from her planet, her people, her culture. Permanent. It was snatched from her instantly without warning. And it is out of her hands, the really hard stuff usually is.

“If it makes you feel better, from what I’ve seen of Lena, she looks sad too.”

It doesn’t.

**_vi. you could be happy_ **

Her phone beeps with a notification. She hates how eager she is as she grabs the device. Her veins turn to ice when she opens it up and sees the selfie of Supergirl and Andrea.

Kara has a new damsel to save. Lena is replaceable. There is less family history to muddy the waters. Does Kara like her? She has heard Andrea prattle on about the hero a few times, listing her best attributes, and asking Lena if she could introduce them, as if Lena would.

She throws the phone across the room with a loud growl, grinning maniacally when the sound of shattering glass permeates the air. It is childish and unbefitting of someone bearing her last name, but she gains some satisfaction from the tiny act.

Her smile disappears when the devil himself enters her space. He spares a single glance at the glittering pieces of glass and tech before strutting forward. “A touch dramatic, what has you riled up?”

She suspects he knows the cause of her ire. “What does it matter to you?” He has shown little interest in her personal life. She trusts her brother about as far as she can throw him, aware he’ll likely try and double cross her at some point. It is a signature Luthor move and he has grown predictable in his old age.

He wears his best empathetic smile, she sees through the fakery. Her brother lacks empathy. He cares for no one except himself. “Can a brother not show some concern for his sister? You seem distressed and not yourself.” She admires how he dedicates himself to the role. That is his real talent. She failed to spot his deception due to his impeccable acting. He hides the insanity well, especially in the world of his own creation.

“A brother can, but we both know you don’t.”

He dramatically clutches his heart. “Oh Lena, you wound me with your words. Of course I care.” He is the picture of sincerity.

They all have their roles. “It’s nothing. I saw something and it upset me.” She refuses to give him the keys to the kingdom. Lena knows he stores every detail later for leverage, or to manipulate her.

“Ahh would it have anything to do with our resident hero and a certain businesswoman?” He sounds almost gleeful. His eyes are alight with something and Lena hates him.

“Don’t be absurd,” she dismisses, returning to her research. He will not best her. She doubts he has forgiven her for shooting him— _killing_ him.

He crosses one leg over the other, looking over her with a keen eye. “How is Ms. Danvers?”

“How should I know?”

“I guess the bonds of friendship don’t run deep at all. To think, you were so protective of her last year and then you discovered her deception, how she made a mockery out of you and played you for the fool. Oh my sweet, dear Lena, I was sorry to pull the wool from your eyes, but you did deserve to know.” He gives a sad shake of his head, lips turned down in mock sympathy.

He is lying. Every act of his is intentional. While sometimes lacking forethought or consideration for consequences, Lex never does anything on accident. He is purposeful with each strike and blow, almost always hitting his target. He came extremely close to killing Superman. He planned out the murder of their mother and it is unlikely he came into this new world without some convoluted plan. Lex is the man with the plans.

Her jaw ticks. He knows what nerves to press. He spent years studying her, knowing enemies and allies is an advantage on the battlefield. “If that is all, I have work to do.”

“If you need a shoulder, I am here for you.”

Hell will freeze over before she seeks her brother for comfort, especially when he is the catalyst. All the good will she had towards him died when he tried to assassinate her. It was the first time she truly saw the monster that lay underneath the facade he put on for the rest of the world.

Kara saved her then. Looking back through their time together, the picture is clearer. Naive, awkward Kara may be part of the identity, but nothing about her is artificial. She is genuine. What you see isn’t exactly what you get, but she is real.

Kara hid herself from Lena and only Lena. Everyone aside from Kelly knew. There Lena was trying to protect someone who didn’t need it, had never needed that from her. Lena needed Kara more than Kara needed Lena. That was the rub.

Kara is a shooting star. She blazed across the sky, plummeting to earth in a blaze of fire, becoming a force for good and the most remarkable person Lena has met.

They are on different sides now, waging battle against the same enemy, while also enemies themselves. She has no time to think about the changing context of their relationship, however an analysis of their ever evolving relationship is warranted.

Why does she care who Kara or Supergirl saves? Why does the thought of her pressed so close to Andrea make her want to shrivel and curl into the tightest ball?

She thought herself over those pesky feelings. It leaves Lena confused. How can she simultaneously love and hate someone?

No. That isn’t true.

The hate has dissipated over time, becoming something she vaguely recognized as disappointment, and it terrified her how she forgave Kara without a struggle. She didn’t offer second chances— the real reason Kara had no idea Lena wasn’t angry—being burned as many times as she had, left her unable to extend olive branches.

Lena missed Kara’s gentle hugs, the easy affection, the constant interruptions. She missed their disagreements and game nights, movie nights spent cuddling— or the nights where they lay next to each other, confessing things about themselves no one else knew. And maybe she had a chance to regain all she lost, but after a time, there is no going back. There is just acceptance of what is and what can never be.

And what can never be is the rekindling of their friendship. Because what Lena feels is decidedly unfriendly and not brand new.

She loves Kara.

She can’t trace a line to a specific moment.

Her love exists.

Hasn’t it always?

It claims all of their moments from their arguments to their tears to everything in-between. She is sure there is a time where she didn’t feel this way, but she wouldn’t go back to erase this fulfillment, the sense of belonging to something greater than herself. She has many purposes, and maybe one of them is to love Kara— to always love her— even if she can’t have her.

So while she can’t make her happy, if someone else can, Lena can live with it. She will wave happily from her side of the river and force a smile, anything to see Kara happy.

**_vii. i had a revelation_ **

She panics.

Alex has left her to her own devices.

Her advice sucked in Kara’s opinion. She has no idea why she continues to seek out her sister when she needs help in her love life. Alex has barely any experience of her own in that department, but somehow doles out all of this sage advice when someone is interested in Kara.

She loves her sister. She really does.

But Alex’s assertions about the positive attributes of these men and her constant pushing have started to grate on her nerves. Why does she continue to push her?

Kara wants to call William to cancel, to climb into bed and throw the duvet over her head— to hide. She has no idea what she is doing, or why she is doing it. She barely likes William on a good day, his stuffy, pompous demeanor is enough to turn her off from him. There are moments, minuscule at best, where flashes of a non-jerk face shine through, but still she thinks there is no real spark between them. There is a distinct lack of chemistry. Just the idea of kissing him repulses her.

When he asked, she wanted to say no, instead she said yes.

Again, she can’t answer why her mouth said yes, while her heart and brain screamed no.

Her first urge was to call Lena. She shot that down as soon as it flashed into existence. It was an absurd reaction, a leftover of the days when Lena was the first person she called when she needed to talk or had news to share.

She called her sister. ‘ _Alex I need your help. ASAP.’_ She hung up immediately after and waited for her sister’s arrival.

Alex talked her out of cancelling and counseled her on her clothing options. She suggested the blue one, pointing out blue was her signature color.

As she stares at the two shirts, she hesitates and dials another number. “Hello,” and Kara relaxes when she hears her voice.

“I need your opinion.”

“Shoot.”

“Okay so I’m going on a date tonight.”

“With that English dude tall, dark, and blandsome?”

She rolls her eyes, having received an earful in the last few weeks about William. “Yes,” she replies.

“I thought you didn’t like him. You said something about him being arrogant and acting superior to you, taking credit for everythi—“

“W-well yes, I did say that, but I figured I would give him a chance. He’s nice.” _Enough._

“Look I don’t want to tell you how to live your life or anything, you’ve got a lot of people doing that for you as it is. However…” She knew there was a but coming. “From what you’ve told me, you’re about as attracted to him as a Red Sox fan to the Yankees.”

“Ale-“

“This isn’t Alex’s life. It is yours. You and this William guy together would be like… I don’t know— hot fudge and halibut.”

Kara grimaces at the unique combination, lips curling up at the Lois-ism.

“Great imagery there Lois,” she snorts.

“Go on the date or don’t go on it, either way you can come over this weekend and I’ll cook a homemade meal for you.”

“I thought you wanted me to feel better, not poison me.”

“You and your cousin are comedians.”

“Alex says I should wear the blue shirt, but I haven’t worn that one since…” _the day she saved Lena from falling off a cliff._ Lena was starstruck by how quickly she changed from her supersuit into her regular clothes. She thought they were having a moment with her secret out in the open and them discussing the situation rationally, and Lena firmly expressing she was no damsel. They were equals. “I haven’t worn it in a while.” _On purpose._

“Then screw wearing blue and wear what you want. You’ve had a shit year and this whole ‘in love with your best friend’ thing has you tied up in knots.”

Kara freezes. “Who is in love with their best friend?” She isn’t in love with Lena.

“Kara, I’ve heard you talk about Lena, the way I talk about Clark.”

“Th-that’s crazy, absurd even. I-I’m not in love with her… you know… Lena. Nope, you’ve finally lost it Lois.”

“Saying things like that is why you’re going on a date with someone you can barely tolerate.” She sits there silently, mouth dry, as her feelings crash into her like a massive tidal wave. “I didn’t want to admit there was anything romantic happening between your cousin and I for years. He was so _Smallville_. _But_ I fell for him when I wasn’t looking for love. Maybe you didn’t know, or you’re pretending you don’t. All I’m saying is there is bond between you and Lena, whether or not you want to feel it, is a different matter entirely.”

Kara sputters incoherently, pulling back to stare incredulously at her phone. Lois is spouting nonsense, clearly suffering from too many concussions over the years. “You’re mistaken.”

“I don’t think I am,” she counters.

“Lois, you’re over-zealous and grasping at straws.”

“Kara,” she says softening her tone like she does with the boys. “Tell me something. Why is it out of everyone in your life, you singled her out? You told Nia after having known her for a short period of time. You told Winn by falling off a building, but it took four years of friendship for you to tell Lena?”

When Lois phrases it like that, Kara is reminded of what she told Lena after she confessed.

“Right now she might be enemy number one in everyone else’s books. My dad says marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.” Kara frowns, brows knit tightly together as she puzzles the meaning of the phrase. “So you’re fighting, big whoop, your bumbling tadpole of a cousin and I argue all the time. Disagreements don’t have to mean the end of something. Do you think I wasn’t pissed to discover the farm boy and the city’s resident hero were the same person?”

“I hadn’t thought much about it.”

“I was angry with him for all the lies, constant ditches, and everything else. I felt there was something he wasn’t telling me. I was right.”

“How did you fix it?” Any advice given is welcome at this point. Lois at least has experience with a hero hiding their identity.

“For starters, an apology goes a long way.”

“I have apologized.”

“As yourself or as Supergirl?”

She stops her pacing.

She is sure she has told Lena she is sorry several times. She tilts her head, squinting her eyes as she thinks back over the last few months. “Um… I guess Supergirl.”

“I swear you and your cousin are going to cause me to go prematurely grey. Kara, I wasn’t looking for Superman to apologize to me. Why would he? He’s a superhero and more of an idea than a person. How is she supposed to believe you mean what you say if you can’t do it as yourself? She looks at the crest on your chest and she’s seeing a Super, not the person she called friend.”

Kara hums thoughtfully, tossing Lois’ words around in her head, wondering if there is a kernel of truth to them. She shifts her weight to her other side, throwing her head back with a groan. Supergirl is the representation of every lie she told Lena and somehow whenever she confronts her, the cowardly part of her, chooses to go as Supergirl, not Kara.

“If she is as special as you proclaimed, then you need to find a way to tell her. You don’t have to do it now or anytime soon, but one last piece of friendly advice. You can never be who you want to be if you’re always looking over your shoulder at what could’ve been. Think about who you want to be and what you want out of life before making any life altering decisions because Kara, some things you can’t take back. Are you staying away because you’re afraid to get hurt again or because it’s what you really want?”

She is scared. Lois hit the nail on the head.

Going to Lena means opening herself up to the possibility of pain.

**_viii. though we’re tethered to the story we must tell_ **

A stomach grumbles.

Blue eyes dart to the time in the corner of her screen. She logs out of her computer, tidying her space before heading out for her lunch break.

The days of her speeding around the city to meet Lena for lunch are done and over. She eats alone. She rejects all offers, preferring the solitude of her own company as a form of penance.

William keeps making the rounds, emboldened by their single date to continue pursuing her with Alex’s double thumbs up. Her approval means very little to Kara. After all she pushed Kara to Mon-El and they all know how that played out. Not only had she fallen for him, she sacrificed bits of herself for him, to keep his interest and mold herself into someone he wanted.

When he came back, there was no recapturing what was lost. They had grown and moved away from the people they were.

In that time while he was in the future falling in love, she grew closer to Lena, spending hours upon hours with her, further intertwining their individual strands. Lena asked nothing from her. She wanted a friend and Kara tried to be the best. Somewhere in there, everything got complicated and removed from Kara’s control. The lies piled on as the years progressed until she was lying to her best friend every day.

With every save of Lena, she pretended she was someone else. She was Kara Zor-El. Kara Zor-El wasn’t best friends with Lena. Kara Danvers was. If she thought about it in technical terms, she could almost convince herself- - justify- - that her motivations were pure. It was all semantics in the end.

She had to protect herself, against what, she didn’t know. She kept her identity under wraps and puffed her chest out when Lena directly challenged her position, calling her out on the fact that hardly anyone knew her real name. Kara’s blustering reply of ‘ _should someone in your family be asking someone in mine that_ ’ caused her to realize that sometimes she couldn’t separate Lena from her family.

The question tumbled out of her lips without a thought, harsh sounding to her ears, and Lena recoiled as if Kara Supergirl hit her. She was often accused of being brash and reckless, and those were accurate descriptions of her superhero persona, or perhaps it is a _Kara_ thing. She had her sparkly, shiny personality for the cameras and behind closed doors, a different side of her appeared- - a side that unfairly judged Lena for her familial connections as if Kara herself was able to keep people from questioning her about her cousin. She wanted to stand on her own merits without the comparisons to her cousin. Lena had said in their very first meeting- - long before friendship was on the table- - she was doing what she could to make a name for herself, away from the black cloud of her family. 

Could it be neither of them are right or wrong? But then so much had gone wrong in the last year. She opened her mouth to say the words ‘ _Lena, I’m Supergirl’_ (too many times, chickening out when her mouth refused to spit the words out) _._ They were there resting on the tip of her tongue when she saw Lena. She thought about her reveal at regular intervals, considering how Lena might react, and then suddenly, on arguably the biggest night of her career, Lena stands across from her and she has to tell her.

The burden of keeping her secret reached full capacity. Lena was going to present her this award without knowing who Kara really was and it didn’t sit right with her. So she told her, by that point, it was late, several years too late.

Things were awkward after that, the two of them figuring out how to navigate with the added complexity. Kara being blindsided by Lena and then being forcibly ripped out of Lena’s life. Lena clipped around the Kara sized hole and removed every trace of her. Her Lena sized hole was tattered and frayed and she didn’t bother to patch it up.

Six months was how long it had been since she and Lena shared a meal. If she can’t have lunch with her, she would rather eat alone.

Kara presses the down button for the elevator, watching as the car climbs several floors. The alien in her grows impatient, begging her to super speed down the stairs instead of waiting for the lift like a human. She nearly does when the doors open.

It is blessedly empty as she steps inside the small space. She pushes 1 and waits for the doors to close. A hand reaches between them and Kara sighs at the delay, back straightening when they slide open to reveal Lena.

Her eyes lift to meet Lena’s startled green ones. She hasn’t seen her since the Fortress incident and has removed any notifications about LuthorCorp. She would rather not be tempted by what she can’t have, so she keeps her distance. Lena is just as surprised, hesitating for a second when the doors start to close. Her hand hurriedly darts out, prompting them to stay open. Lena bites her lip and Kara can see her mentally debating her options.

Kara opens and closes her mouth. The unspoken words sit heavy between them. Lena seems to make up her mind and steps into the elevator, moving as far from Kara as she can get within the confines of the small space. Kara slides to the other end.

Seeing Lena is a revelation. Instead of her brain guiding her and the words of others, she is relying purely on her own feelings. Kara suddenly sees Lena, the broken and patched up parts, the woman who wants to please everyone, who wants to save the world, who wants everything too much. She has a visceral reaction and almost shuffles closer to the woman.

“Hi,” she whispers, closing her eyes.

The drumming of her heart cancels out all sound and her grip around her bag tightens until her knuckles go white.

Lena jolts, bringing reality back into sharp focus. She has no idea why she said it, but she doesn’t regret it. Lois made some valid points regarding Kara’s recent conversations with Lena. The supersuit is usually there as a barrier, protecting her from getting hurt.

“Hi,” she greets back, and it takes everything in her not to rush to Lena’s side, to keep her arms from wrapping around Lena, and her lips from… she sorts _that_ into a pile of thoughts to be examined later. While not a new temptation, it has no room to take root in her mind.

It is stiff and polite. Lena gives no indication of wanting to participate in a conversation with Kara. She taps her foot, arms crossed tightly over her chest, lips pursed as her eyes rest on the numbers as they descend.

Kara tilts her head a fraction to the right, feasting on the vision that is Lena, dressed in Kara’s favorite blue coat of hers. The coat is buttoned, concealing her attire for the day, but Kara thinks it is either a skirt ensemble or one of the many stylish yet classy dresses Lena owns.

The tension thickens and Kara nearly chokes on it. The silence is insufferable.

Even she is dressed a little nicer than usual, sporting a black skirt and a simple blue blouse. Her own coat is unbuttoned. “Nice weather,” she comments, leaning against the wall. She wonders how long it takes to get from the top floor to the bottom, the ride seeming longer than usual. The slow crawl increases her itch to touch Lena, to hold her hand, to believe for a single moment things are okay.

Lena bobs her head, wearing that pinched expression she reserved solely for disagreeable members of her board or her mother. “We don’t have to do this Kara,” she says, eyes flashing in her direction.

“Do what?”

Lena gives her the _look_. “Pretend,” she replies, stepping forward when the three lights up. Two floors left. “There’s no need to exchange pleasantries. This was a coincidence and unlikely to repeat itself again.”

Kara regrets not exiting the elevator when she had the chance and taking the stairs. “Right,” she mumbles, squeezing her eyes to prevent the onslaught of tears threatening to burst free.

She hears Lena shuffle her feet, release a sigh as their joint ride finally concludes. “Goodbye Kara.”

“Bye Lena,” she whispers when Lena is too far to hear it.

Kara hates when Lois is right. How is she supposed to go on with the rest of her day when there is a giant chasm filled with all of the words she can’t say?

**_ix. make this chaos count_ **

Seated in the row across from her is Kara— who refuses to so much as glance in her direction after they boarded.

After the fallout with Lex, Lena knew what she had to do. She had to stop her brother.

He is a monster. He will always be a monster and always was a monster. A zebra can’t change their stripes, and neither can Lex. He bided his time, subtly manipulating her at every turn, in order to prevent her from partnering with Kara. It would have screwed up all of his plans. She was another cog in his machinations, not important enough to be brought into the real plot, but too important to allow the other side to have. She craved the light, shying away from the darkness in which her family thrived.

Showing up on Kara’s doorstep was her first trial of the day. Her driver parked in front of the building and waited as Lena stared at the intimidating structure. Fear is powerful and she had an abundance of it, stemming from her own insecurities and traumas. She took the abuse from her brother and she internalized it. She believed him when he said Kara would refuse her if she tried to go back.

Knocking on the door, she had no expectations. She thought Kara would slam the door in her face. Lena would deserve that. She didn’t yell or raise her voice. There was caution and anger, but her overall reaction confused Lena. She trusted her intel and her ability to make another kryptonite suit for her.

Where was the expected spewing of venom? Where was the frustration? Why hadn’t she exploded at her? Those were perfectly normal reactions, or at least known to her in her dealings with people. She was prepared for Kara to unleash her fury, for the indignant flush of her face. But disappointment? Wariness? Quiet rage that doesn’t reach a fever pitch. They are unexpected. It is new, so she goes along with their plans, suspecting Kara will wait until later to make her real anger known.

She withholds her tears. She’ll save them for later, when she is alone in her bed, and no one can hear or see. Until then, she focuses on their current mission. She and Kara have to get to her lab undetected to create a new suit to protect the hero. They can do this.

They caught the bus and Lena gestured to an empty seat. Kara moves in the opposite direction, plopping down in the seat with crossed arms and feigned indifference. Lena would believe her, except every time she turns to look at Kara, she is intently gazing out of the window, jaw clenched and posture stiff.

Lena can’t make out the blue from this distance, but they were bluer than usual today. The blue flames burned hotter than any chemical fire.

Despite her irritation with Lena and her actions, she seemed almost happy. There was a light in her eyes when they stood side by side at the bus stop. Kara giggled as Lena struggled with depositing her fare. Lena whirled around on her with mock-indignation. For a second, the heaviness sitting between them disappeared. She could almost convince herself the last few months were a bad dream.

Her nerves are frayed and she’s barely holding on as the bus travels across the city. She twitches every time some new passenger gets on the bus, eyes naturally drifting to Kara, worried a passenger is a Leviathon operative sent after her. She knows it is unlikely they’ve been found with the distraction provided by the two Martians, but her anxiety won’t abate She can feel Kara’s nervousness with two feet separating them.

Lena wants to bridge the gap between them, rebuild what was lost, but she opens her mouth and doesn’t know how to get the words out. They are stuck.

The blame grew heavy and she has ripped herself apart, broken shreds and torn threads are that’s left of the woman she was. Her version of Kara was a variation of the truth, and in the end she felt like a validation on Kara’s sleeve. Here she was the only Luthor left, working with the Super, but kept at a distance.

She had her metaphoric fall. She reached the brink of life, questioning everything she knew about herself. Why had she gone to such lengths to eliminate pain and people’s agency? She can admit stripping people of their choices was the wrong decision. Again she opens her mouth to tell Kara, to get to the center of her pain, passed the shattered window panes, finally reaching the desolate wasteland that is her heart.

Expressing her emotions is not a strong suit of hers. As a Luthor, concealment is a skill meant to protect her, but all it has done is created a chasm between her and the girl she loves.

Lena’s mind rationalized love to a series of chemical reactions. At its’ core, love is science. Except she watched people, made observational notes about couples in love, and she pondered why them and not her.

Was it how she turned brokenness into an art form? Was it the missing pages in her book? The pages she ripped out to keep people from knowing her completely. Or how she timed her deepest confessions, revealing her secrets and innermost feelings when it stormed. She wants to love and to be loved. She covets it and almost believed she had it. And then it was stolen from her.

Lena wants to love Kara, to speak her love into existence, to shower in it, but after everything, she doesn’t know how to do any of that. Luthor thought love was weak. Marriage wasn’t based on mutual love. It was about convenience and the keys of success. But maybe Lena could be a different Luthor. She didn’t have to repeat the mistakes of her family.

“So we’re really not going to talk about this?” She murmurs, mindful of listening ears.

Kara’s head snaps in her direction, nostrils flaring, and eyes narrowed to thin slits with hints of blue peeking out. Lena wants to crawl deep into the earth. She thought she had seen Kara angry, none of their past interactions compare to her current expression. 

Lena closes her eyes and releases a long breath. “I was wrong, but so were you.”

When she opens her eyes, Kara loses some of her steel, dropping her head with a noisy sigh. She glances around before sliding out of her seat and taking the empty one next to Lena. “I thought you said we didn’t have to do this.”

Lena furrows her brows. “What?” Then she recalls the _elevator event_. “ _Oh_.” In moments of weakness, she thought of nothing else except the few minutes spent with Kara, the tension coiled in her belly, and the desire to reach out and touch her, hold her hand, be them again. “I don’t know Kara.” She is half herself these days, caught between too many versions of Lena, not knowing who she wants to be. “I did miss you,” she admits quietly. “I don’t want you to think any of it was easy for me.”

God, Kara’s absence is a black hole in her life, slowly sucking the life from her and leaving nothing in its’ wake. She thought blood was important and Lex shared her blood, but she’s realized he isn’t her lifeblood. He is a leech in her life. Kara makes her blood sing and her heart dance. In Kara’s eyes, she sees clusters of stars shining back at her.

Being alone in that elevator is what she wanted for months, just them together, away from the real world, a world that has torn them apart.

Kara turns away, back facing Lena, and she thinks this is it. She has finally pushed Kara away from her. Her stomach somersaults and she might be sick. Then those blue eyes meet hers as Kara’s body shifts. Her face is unreadable as her lips twist into a small smile. She nods. She doesn’t say she missed her too, but Lena reads the sentiment in her eyes.

“I-I don’t know what’s going to happen. My brain is a mess and it’s all happening so fast. I need time to figure out what all of this means.” She waves her hands around emphatically to emphasize her point. “When there isn’t so much going on and the world isn’t about to end… again,” she rolls her eyes at the addendum. When is the world not ending? “We can talk. As it stands, I don’t have it in me to have _this_ conversation, so is it okay if we sit in silence?”

Sitting in silence sounds good to her. She nods and turns her gaze to the world outside the window. It is a dreary day in National City, not rainy but neither is the sun shining. The air is chilly as spring hasn’t quite come to free them from winter’s grasp. The world looks the same, people going about their days, the usual traffic, but Lena feels different. The distorted lens through she viewed the world is gone and the world is new and full of possibility.

Kara grabs her hand, their fingers slide into place, and Lena could sit there all the day. It is almost like an out of body experience; she thinks she feels her soul leave her body at one point. She wants to promise all of her forevers to Kara, to whisper the words she has kept pressed to her heart.

The months were not kind. Time was her enemy. It stretched and stretched, extending her days, leaving her despondent and broken. The highlight of her days was Kara after she moved to the city. She understands now. She doesn’t care how she has to break or bend the world as long as she gets to have Kara in her life.

Nearly a year ago, her heart shattered into a billion pieces. But she started putting herself back together, grew stronger in the face of adversity, and stood on her own against those she called friends. She figured out the puzzle, finding the missing piece was the one she tossed to the side.

She sought refuge in her brother, their unholy partnership occupying all facets of her life, leaving room for nothing else. She believed in her cause. She allowed herself to fall into Lex’s plans until she realized he was like a faded photograph left in the sun too long. She kept expecting him to revert back to the brother who taught her chess, the man she joked with about his many titles, not the man who blew up hundreds of people and attempted to murder Superman, so he could stop feeling inferior.

The day is full of the unexpected from the time they depart the bus. She nearly goes to grab Kara’s hand before remembering herself and jerking her arm back to her side. Luckily Kara hadn’t noticed, or if she did, she was polite enough not to mention it. Lena ushers them into the building to get them off the streets and out of view.

Being instrumental in thwarting a plot to take over the minds of billions is the last thing she thought she would do. She stands bravely without care for herself— she prefers it over stupidly— in front of Andrea, refusing to budge, so she can’t kill Kara. She borrows some of that unshakeable hope and faith, Kara prattles on about, and somehow Andrea backs down. Kara inspires the masses to abandon the virtual for the real, while the world is imperfect and the potential for pain lurks in every corner, there is always hope.

By the end of it, she is emotional, barely holding it together as the Danvers sisters share a hug, wishing it was herself instead in Kara’s strong embrace. Her heart beats in the rhythm of ‘i love you’ over and over again. Lena turns away to give them a moment and hide her own desire.

She reins in her jealousy at the warehouse with _William_ and his worry over Kara. She covers for the blonde, too aware of how it feels to not have assurance regarding her safety. Even when she is on the secret, her heart flutters wildly in her chest as she leaves and the suit arrives. Anything could go wrong, but they pull through. They take down the players on the board until there is one left standing, her brother.

“We are going to get him,” Kara assures Lena when they are all safe back at her lab.

Lena blinks, follows it up with a short nod. “Yeah,” she replies. It comes back to Lex at every turn. Her brother has dipped his toes in too many pots and it is time for him to get his comeuppance. Death was too easy and obviously not permanent. He slipped out of that like the snake he is. “It’s been a day.”

“And you were incredible. You— you’re amazing Lena,” Kara is breathless, the prettiest pink dusts her cheeks. “You made my suit and you talked Andrea out of killing me. I didn’t know what to think when you knocked on my door. But you’ve exceeded my expectations. You’re remarkable.”

Her admission stuns Lena into an admission of her own. “I thought I would never forgive you. I swore that I was done trying to be friendly.” She smiles when Kara’s eyes crinkle at the corners and the confusion swirls. “You’re not perfect and we don’t agree on everything, but you’re not a sociopath hellbent on conquering the world. Much of my anger was directed more at myself than you. How could I be so blind for years?”

That is the question. It has nothing to do with her appearance or her mannerisms. Kara makes herself seem insignificant with her bumbling persona and the constant clumsiness. No one would look twice at her and they usually don’t, which is how she is able to live a dual life. It’s the other aspects she neglected to take a closer look at, the close saves and the disappearances, or the exclusive details in Kara’s articles. She was clueless to all of it.

“And I should’ve told you,” Kara says. “I do want to have this conversation,” she injects a note of contrition into her voice, her face apologetic. “However, I think it should be as Kara and Lena, no Supergirl allowed.”

Lena gapes in surprise at the gesture. She sort of thought it was a package deal. She licks her lips. “So you want to hold off?”

“Yeah, also I’m mentally and physically exhausted.” Kara does look tired. “I think we need to rest, if you don’t mind.”

“Okay.”

“Great! My number is the same whenever you’re ready.”

Kara is granting her control over how they’ll moved forward. They’re straddling the line and it is up to Lena whether or not she wants to cross the Rubicon. There was never a choice. In every life, every time line, there is just one, Kara.

**_x. we’ll take turns to untangle the knots_ **

They go off script from the second Kara arrives and opens her mouth. Lena stares at those pink lips, not quite attentive to the words coming out. “—a different place, untouched by our complicated history?”

Lena blinks, shaking her head a few times to clear the cobwebs. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Would you mind if we go somewhere else?”

“Um no, not at all,” she replies, grabbing the hand Kara extends to her. She steps closer and Kara pulls her into her side.

“Great,” she smiles, displaying all of her perfectly straight teeth. “I’m going to pick you up, is that okay?”

Lena’s lips twitch. Kara does have a thing for consent. “Knock yourself out.”

Kara swoops Lena into her arms in the blink of an eye, cradling her body before flying to destinations unknown.

“That’ll never stop being amazing,” Lena says, snuggling closer to the comforting heat of Kara’s body. She is incredibly warm and Lena melts right into her embrace. The altitude is a touch chilly and she shivers when the cool air hits her. Though it is Kara’s fingers rubbing tiny circles over her clothes that has her suppressing a full body shudder.

She pays little attention to the fading lights of National City and turns her sights to Kara’s face. From her vantage, she can see the tiny scar from an accident when Kara was five, a result of a clumsy child and no super healing. There are all the tiny freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Most people wouldn’t know they’re there from all the telecasts and photos in the papers, and Lena feels special for getting to see her like this. They’re minuscule and absolutely adorable. They soften the strong lines of Kara’s face.

Her blonde hair hangs in loose waves, fluttering around her face, bangs pushed back as she flies through the sky. In the bright light of the moon, her hair is paler than usual, like spun silk and she is ethereal. Her skin glows and her eyes sparkle, reflecting the beauty of the night sky. She is out of this world. Lena snorts at her own joke. 

Kara slows and starts dropping through the air, adjusting her grip on Lena as they make their final descent. They land on a grassy knoll, dozens of flowers of all kinds grow everywhere, and nothing but the sounds of nature greets them. In the distance, there’s the rushing sound of a stream, water flowing back to its’ source, to its’ home.

Kara steadies Lena, releasing her when Lena shows no signs of falling over. She stares, gaze moving all around her, marveling at their enchanted surroundings.

Kara flashes away, returning seconds later with a blanket. She spreads the blanket on the grass, gesturing for Lena to join her. They lay back together with the night sky as their only witness, the constellations stare back at them.

“When I first arrived on earth, looking at the night sky upset me. It was so different and unlike the one on Krypton,” Kara starts. “The constellations were different. The myths associated with them were foreign. But I still had a fascination. It fostered my imagination. Back then my imagination was all I had.”

Stars reminded young Lena how small she was, a tiny speck in the grand scheme of the universe, her time temporary and fleeting. She wanted to be up there and exist for millennia.She mapped all of the stars in a notebook. She asked Lex about the stars and he told her humans were made of stardust. The revelation astounded her. Humans were comprised of the same materials as stars. She wished she was a star. Stars had other stars for company and were allowed to burn brightly without dimming their light. They made her feel less lonely. Maybe someone out there in the universe was looking at the stars like her, fascinated by what they saw.

“Mine too,” she says, fingers twitching at her side. Kara’s hand rests mere inches from her own.

Kara lifts her other arm, her hand moving to count the degrees in the night sky. “There’s the pointer stars, the Summer Triangle. They help with telling direction, specifically which way is east.” Lena scoots closer on the blanket, her fingers graze the soft skin of Kara’s hand. “There’s the Big Dipper.” Kara uses the constellation to find the North Star. “And if we move down the handle of the Big Dipper, you can see Arcturus. It’s among the brightest of stars that can be seen from earth.”

Lena thinks Kara is the brightest.

“If you follow the arc to Arcturus, you can speed to Spica. It’s a binary star. I’ve always thought it would be cool to live in a binary system.”

Lena already does.

“Back to Arcturus though, did you know it helped open the Chicago World’s Fair in 1933? They used the star to power some lights. I’m simplifying that, but think how cool it is that light from 37 years before made such an impression. When I first got here, Krypton’s light could technically still be seen in the night sky. It can’t now. Rao is still there, but I don’t like to look for its’ light.”

“Why?”

Kara turns her head, eyes seeing straight to Lena’s soul. “It isn’t the view I know. I saw Rao every day of my life like people in this system see the sun. It was big in our sky, though much smaller than sol. I can’t see the red light or feel the cool warmth on my skin anymore. I love the sun, but it wasn’t always mine.”

“Um,” Lena says. She is at a loss for words. Losing her mother is not comparable to the loss of an entire planet. Lena slides her palm under Kara’s, squeezing in silent support for all the blonde has given up to be here with her. Kara twines their fingers, her grasp firm, and Lena is a few breaths away from closing the distance and kissing her. “Why me?”

Kara crinkles her brow, obviously baffled by Lena’s swift digression. “Why you what?” It is clear to Lena she needs a little context.

“Why did you wait to tell me?” Lena can’t make it any clearer for her, but it has been months and she needs to know why her. What possessed her to form two separate relationshipswith Lena? There was her best friend Kara— adorable, goofy, loyal— and then there was National City’s hero, Supergirl— brave, bold, irreproachable. “Was it…” she licks her lips, meeting Kara’s dark gaze. “I won’t be angry if it’s because I’m a Luthor.”

“NO,” she says forcefully. Lena jerks in response, surprised by the fervent reply. “Look I won’t say I didn’t ever hold your last name against you. That would be a lie and we’ve done away with those with our new start.” Her face contorts guiltily. “But only sometimes did I hold your last name against you, mostly when I didn’t agree with what you were doing, which makes me a hypocrite and a jerk.”

Lena circles her thumb over the smooth and delicate skin of Kara’s hand. It is nearly impossible to fathom how such perfect hands are capable of so much. Their appearance belies their strength.

“I figured,” she eventually says. Luthor is a heavy last name to bear and Kara is related to Superman. “You still haven’t answered my question,” Lena points out.

There are traces of amusement on Kara’s face from the quirking of her lips to the spark of mirth dancing merrily in her bright eyes. “No, but you did start talking. Anyway, you’re special to me.” She hurries to continue her piece before Lena interrupts, placing her fingers over Lena’s lips to shush her. Her touch burns, tearing Lena up from the inside, and Lena’s heart skips a beat. Kara tilts her head when she hears it, puzzled over the change in melody. “You didn’t want anything from me. Everyone was telling me who to be and what to wear, where to go, who I should be friends with, how to act, and then there was you. You smiled when I told some corny joke. You invited me to your gala because you considered me a friend. You helped elevate my career, but you didn’t ask for anything. You just wanted to be my friend.”

Lena thinks she might break. Had she meant all of that to Kara? Kara attracted so many people to her, the flame to so many moths, her light the brightest, called to those around her, beckoning them to come closer. “Why not tell me then?”

“I’m not perfect by any means. Kryptonians have a lot of the same flaws as humans. We aren’t immune to selfishness,” she averts her gaze. “I’m selfish and knew you would leave.”

The moonlight pours from the sky, splashing them in a white-silvery glow, illuminating pale green and inky blue eyes. The rest of the world is speckled by moon beams, a shadowy, grey-scale landscape.

Everything around them stills, lessening to a deafening silence, and the only thing heard is the sound of two distinct heartbeats, the steady drum reminding Lena of her Celtic roots and her heart matches the rhythm of Kara’s. Her heart no longer beats for herself but for Kara. Her love is so strong, her chest might burst. So Kara isn’t the Prince Charming she dreamed about when she was four, nor is she rich in the ways that don’t matter. She is who her heart chose and Kara is threaded into every inch of her existence. There’s no separating the strands.

The translated words of Sappho float through Lena’s mind, eyes trailing over all of her features, captivated by her very own goddess. Lena is flustered and all she can do is think of poetry, the words of others capturing her feelings better than her own ever could. 

_stars around the beautiful moon_

_hide back their luminous form_

_whenever all full she shines_

_on the earth_

_silvery_

“The thought of losing you killed me inside. I tried to tell you and the words got tangled in my mouth. My stomach was in knots the longer it went on. Here I am boasting pompously about truth when I was lying to you. I felt sick. I almost told you on the plane last year and then I didn’t. I pretended to pass out and that was my last real opportunity. After that, I knew it was going to get messy, especially after all the crap with Lex.”

The confession spills from pink lips.The argument leaves Kara, shoulders slumping. “I— Lois asked me why you and no one else. It stumped me. I’ve only really told Winn and Nia, and I didn’t think twice when I did. They were spur of the moment acts. With you…, it was different.” She chews on her lower lip, pensively. “I realized I was scared.”

“Scared?” Lena frowns. “Of me?”

“Of getting hurt,” she whispers. And it strikes Lena how similar she and Kara are. Kara keeps the people she loves at a distance, more for her own protection, while Lena pushes and runs to prevent herself from getting hurt. “You more than anyone have the power to absolutely wreck me. I don’t mean in the normal our families have a feud that’s gone on for years.”

It hits Lena, this is _it_ , this is the moment she’s waited for since the discovery she loved Kara in a definitively non-platonic way. The knowledge Kara returns the feelings knocks her off balance, sending her mind circling somewhere in space across the cosmos. The air shifts between them and Lena thinks they are finally on an equal playing field. The ground has been leveled and they’ve been stripped of all of their advantages.

“I care about you. These months without you,” Kara’s eyes flutter as she shudders, grip tightening again. Her eyes flash open, landing on Lena as she continues. “They were hard. There were times when I wanted to text you something silly, or just to hear your voice. Some days I couldn’t smile at all, not as Kara Danvers anyway. I didn’t know- - we were the best of friends, it didn’t occur to me there was another reason for why it felt as if my insides were being stabbed every time I saw you.”

“I know the feeling,” she murmurs, thinking of the pummeling her own organs took. “So it wasn’t because you didn’t trust me?”

“Lena, you’re the most trustworthy person I know.”

Lena falters. Kara’s sincerity rings through her voice and her face is glowing as she uses her free hand to caress Lena’s face. Lena leans into her touch, her heart races wildly and her stomach flutters with a hundred butterflies. “Really?” Plenty of people have said things about her, some true and some false, but no one has ever called her trustworthy.

Kara’s lip is caught between her teeth, her gaze tender, while her thumb continues to stroke the contours of Lena’s face. Her skin tingles and the fire in her belly spreads. She notes how Kara’s eyes travel over Lena and she feels hot all over. Kara’s gaze is a blue whirl, striking the perfect balance between oxygen and fuel, the flames growing faster and hotter.

“Yes,” she answers, face pinking with something akin to embarrassment. “You don’t go blabbing to everyone and you could’ve revealed my secret to the whole world, but you didn’t.”

Lena squirms under Kara’s praise, feeling undeserving of her lovely sentiments. “I almost did,” she admits. “The night you were being awarded your Pulitzer, I was going to tell the world.”

Kara’s mouth puckers into an ‘o’. Lena laughs drily, fearful she has reversed any progress they’ve made. “You didn’t.” The unasked question sits between them and Lena feels compelled to return some of the honesty.

“You told me your secret and I couldn’t. You shocked me by telling me, and it disrupted my thinking. I had been thinking a lot of things. The last thing I expected was for you to reveal your caped secret.”

“Wow, we sure know how to make a mess.”

That is the understatement of the year.

“We really do.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lena is reeling. The apology is unexpected and yet she feels as if she’s waited eons to hear the words from Kara’s lips, not Supergirl’s, but sweet and loving Kara—the girl she’s loved for the better part of four years.

“What?”

“I should’ve apologized a long time ago without all the pomp and circumstance. You deserved to have an official apology from me, Lena.” Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “I conflated my two identities, thinking you would view them the same, but they aren’t the same. Supergirl is part of me, but I’ve always felt more like myself when I’m _just_ Kara with you. And that’s who you deserved to have apologize for what was done to you.”

“I was angry with Kara,” Lena says, blowing out a gust of air. “Sure Supergirl and I had our differences, but it was Kara who told me I was important and who believed in me when no one else did. It was Kara, I wanted to hurt.” She loved Kara. Kara betrayed her, increasing the pain tenfold, her frustration and anger were at the forefront, all because she loved someone who hurt her.

“Kara was scared. I knew I screwed up and I kept screwing up at every turn. And then I realized you didn’t need me.” Lena recognizes a deflection.

“What are you talking about?”

“You had _Andrea_ ,” Kara spits the name out like it’s poison.

“Are you jealous?” Lena questions.

Kara blinks. “O-of course not, don’t be ridiculous. What do I have to be jealous of? So what if you’ve got some history with her and she’s rich and successful and pretty. It doesn’t bother me. Nope.”

Lena giggles. Kara is cute when she’s jealous. “Oh darling,” she laughs softly. “You’ve got something she doesn’t have.”

“What? Superpowers?”

“No, me,” she breathes, the air buzzing around them. “I love you.”

“You do?”

“I do,” she nods.

“I love you too.”

Lena knows that. “Good.” She moves closer, eyes dropping to Kara’s parted lips. Her breaths are raspy and stuttered as the tension increases. “I’m going to kiss you.”

Kara tilts her head, lips curling into a pretty smile. “Do it,” she challenges.

Lena moves closer, taking great satisfaction when Kara’s breath catches at her close proximity. Blue eyes dart lower and Lena goes for it. She presses her lips to Kara’s, sparks ignite in her veins and her eyes flutter, behind them is the most spectacular fireworks display. Lena trails her fingers across Kara’s jaw, down the curve of her neck before tangling in blonde waves.

Kara’s hand slides down Lena’s body to rest on her hip. Kara darts her tongue out, tracing the seal of Lena’s lips, and using the momentum of Lena’s gasped moan to slip inside. Their tongues collide in a dance made for two, and all Lena can think is _finally_.

Kara rolls on top of her, cradling Lena’s head on its’ descent to the ground. The tenderness of the action nearly undoes her, a few tears spill, but she doesn’t let it deter her. She buries both hands in Kara’s hair and presses harder against Kara’s mouth.

Lena groans as Kara grinds her pelvis down. A rush of desire floods her system as Kara pushes down again, their hips slotting together. The blonde’s touch is everywhere and Lena slowly unravels.

Lena briefly wrenches her mouth away to catch her breath before diving back in for more. Her brain has ceased all functions and is operating on pure instinct. Lena turns the tables and grazes Kara’s lips with her tongue, smiling when Kara grants her access to the kingdom. Her tongue sweeps across the cavern of Kara’s mouth, exploring previously unknown territory.

Kara’s lips are warm and soft, insistent and firm as they move roughly against Lena’s. A small moan catches in Lena’s throat as their tongues lazily caress, and she sighs happily, content for the first time in a year. She is finally here, kissing Kara and being loved by Kara, and there is no greater feeling in the universe. This is what she’s waited for all this time. 

Kara tastes sweet like cookies and ice cream. Lena sucks the taste right off her tongue. Kara squeaks and Lena melts at the sound, her mouth moving languidly as their pace slows. Some of the heat dissipates as they shift gears, both aware that this is just the start, and they’ve got time. Lena nibbles at Kara’s bottom lip, smirking when Kara shivers as Lena rakes her fingernails down her neck.

Lena pulls back, placing a delicate kiss on Kara’s collarbone, her lips light as she drags them back to Kara’s mouth. “You’re beautiful,” she whispers huskily. “So very beautiful.”

Kara is the first to pull away, throwing her body upwards, hovering just above Lena. Her skin is flushed the darkest shade of pink and her lips are deliciously swollen. Her hair is wild and messy and her eyes spark with desire. “Fuck,” the dark, raspy whisper does something to Lena. The blonde never swears, or at least not that Lena’s heard in all of their years of friendship.

She takes pride in all of the expletives slipping from Kara’s mouth. Each one is like a badge of honor.

Kara floats back down, kissing Lena tenderly before rolling over to her back. “Rao,” she says breathlessly. Her voice holds so much wonder as if kissing Lena is on par with winning the lottery. “You’re definitely _it_ for me.”

Lena reaches over to grab her hand, lacing their fingers. “Ditto.”

“Lena,” Kara gasps dramatically. “You know how to use the word ditto.”

“You’re a jerk,” she laughs, tugging Kara to her side. The blonde comes willingly. “I’m not that out of touch.”

“Sure and I’m not technically in my fifties.”

Lena hums. “That’s right,” she snaps her fingers. “You are quite a bit older than me, what is it like thirty years?”

“Hush,” Kara giggles. “You should know better than to ask a lady her age.”

“You’re no lady Kara Danvers.”

Kara tilts her head inquisitively. “What am I then?”

“You’re a star, my own personal star.”

“I could live with that. Does that mean you’re a planet orbiting me?”

“Hmm,” Lena taps her chin playfully. “I don’t know.”

“Well I do and you’re a neighboring star that’s led me home.”

“That was cheesy.”

“And true,” she squawks indignantly. “You’re my home.”

“You’re mine.”

“I love you and I promise no more lies.”

“I love you too. I can’t promise I won’t do something you won’t like, but I’ll be amenable to talking things out.”

“I like the sound of that. And I’ll try my best to not lose my cool when you ignore my warnings. We’ll be the updated, more awesome version of Superman and Lois.”

“Wait… am I Lois?” She isn’t a damsel. “Kara, I don’t need to be saved that _often_.”

“Sure, sure whatever you say, but I think I’ve saved you quite a few times. You seem to have a thing for aircraft and falling from great heights.”

Lena makes a face. “Hey! I’ve helped you too. Don’t forget who built that kryptonite suit for you- - _twice_ , I might add, or who- -who helped manufacture Harun-El.”

“Hmm… I don’t know. I still think my count is higher.”

Lena shuts her up with a kiss and another one, the two of them giggling madly as their lips press over and over again. Lena wants this version of forever, having finally found and gained her heart’s desire.

“Can we agree that we’ve saved each other?”

Kara tucks her arm over Lena and Lena shuffles into her arms, cozying right up to the blonde. “Yeah, I like that.”

Lena tilts her head back, bumping into Kara’s chin. “What?”

“Saving each other. I’ll probably be even more over-protective now, but I’ll try not to let it get the best of me.”

Lena plants a kiss under Kara’s chin. “That’s all I ask. And I’m sorry too.” Their hands inevitably find their way back. “I hope you know that.”

“I do Lena. I’ve always known.”

Some believe Supergirl belongs in the sky, but only Lena knows she belongs with her, nestled under a trillion stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I would've never finished this without my good friend Mini, constantly pushing and encouraging me. She put up with me sending drafts and my constant flurry of ideas for a week. So thanks for all the support, you're the best. 
> 
> I saw a post on tumblr a few weeks ago about all of the moments of season 5 that we didn't get to see like Kara and Lena running into each other, or Kara hosting Thanksgiving without Lena there. It got me to thinking and I wanted to write this because goodness the writers never will. I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> If you have any prompt ideas, my asks are open on [ _tumblr_.](https://sappho-mia.tumblr.com)


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